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why I became a dating coach

Why I Became a Dating Coach

Melbourne Dating Coach Andrew J. Gung

When you hear the term 'dating coach' what springs to mind? Maybe it’s Hitch, the suave and slightly uncomfortable Will Smith character from the movie Hitch. Maybe it’s those sleazy pick-up artists you’ve seen on the news or seen shared around on social media. Maybe you’ve never heard of the term at all. While the industry definitely has coaches who fit the mould of these examples, dating coaching means something very different to me. Dating coaching is the dedication to helping men develop confidence, healthy lifestyles, and the social skills to be able to have and maintain relationships, get a girlfriend, grow in their current relationships, and experience a more meaningful and fulfilling life. It seems bizarre to me now that I’d held back for nearly 10 years before deciding to commit to fulfilling my dream of starting up a dating coaching company for men. The thought of becoming Melbourne’s leading dating coaching company seemed impossible… Yet here’s the story of how I started Core Confidence Coaching.

My journey began when I was just 18 years old. I, in my youthful ignorance, thought I’d found love. The complexities of great relationships, how they work, even the concept of exclusivity were all foreign concepts to me. Social media, TV shows, and movies were my biggest influences on what relationships should be like. So naturally, the first time I’d ever kissed a girl, I’d instantly concluded that we were now boyfriend and girlfriend. Lame… I know! Though without much guidance growing up, I was left to figure this stuff out on my own.

I was completely blindsided when my first girlfriend of 8 months left me for her best friend. I felt an intense anger over the situation, and with myself. I held an immense resentment towards my ex and her new partner for years. “How could I have let this happen?”, I thought.

This pain led me to my second girlfriend. A high school friend set us up, and we thought that dating would be a fantastic way to make both our exes jealous (it wasn’t and it never is). The anger-driven passion for this relationship lasted only 6 months but we pushed forward. We stayed together for the year until we simply couldn’t stand each other anymore. The smallest things would turn into fights and sex was only for convenience. I couldn’t muster up the courage to face my fear of ending the relationship. I was too comfortable.

At 24 years old, I entered my third relationship, which (as we’ll soon uncover) is what ultimately inspired me and sparked my desire to become a dating coach. I met this really cute girl from MySpace (shoutout to our readers who remember MySpace. For those who don’t, it’s an old social media platform that existed before Facebook). We dated for about 4 months before adding the labels boyfriend and girlfriend. The relationship only lasted for 2 months.

At this point, you’re probably asking: what on earth is wrong with this guy? Why can’t he maintain a relationship?

I was doing everything in that relationship that I thought was right. She would continually do weird things that I’d thought were out of character and I never really understood why she was behaving that way until after the relationship ended. She’d do things like talk about other guys to me to see if I would get jealous. She’d talk on the phone with her friends for ages around me, before eventually leaving me for the stereotypical bad-boys. I realise, in hindsight, that she wanted me to be the same “masculine Andrew” I first presented myself to be at the start of the relationship. I was failing to maintain this facade I’d created by becoming a rather submissive, feminine version of myself.

Again, I was shocked and in disbelief; how could I let this happen again? Shortly after the breakup, I entered a very negative and depressive headspace that seemed never-ending. I did all the things I tell my clients today never to do. I kept calling her, messaging her, begging her to come back, but all I got was radio silence…

In this time, I lost 8kg from my already lean frame and lost all my motivation to work. I felt like giving up on everything. The only thing I cared about was getting my ex-girlfriend back. I formed a toxic belief that for relationships to work and to get what you want, you have to step on other people’s toes.

I Googled ‘How to get my ex back’ and came across marketing videos that sold me their eBooks titled ‘Get Your Girlfriend Back - Training Guide 101’. I thought to myself, HOLY SHIT there are guides out there that will teach you how to become a better boyfriend, how to build attraction towards women, how to be a dominant and masculine man, how to get girls to like you, and endless videos on how to get your ex back!?

It was in this new information wonderland that my journey of personal development and confidence began and flourished. The following months were a sea of light bulb moments. I was discovering new things about myself every day. What about me attracts and repels women? Why do girls consistently test men (tests which I failed time and time again)?. I soon became obsessed and studied every popular dating book like I was preparing for an exam. I took notes and compiled a guide for myself on how to meet women and how to get a girlfriend.

A few months post-break-up, I’d applied everything I learnt from the ‘Get Your Ex Back’ guides. Some things definitely worked, while others I found quite misleading. One of the biggest moments that highlighted my progress was when an opportunity presented itself to get my ex back I realised it was better for me to move on and stay single, as I was discovering so much about myself. By the age of 25, I was attracting girls left, right, and centre and then it hit me; I didn’t want my ex-girlfriend back anymore.

I began casually dating and had casual relationships with so many incredible women in the following months and years. All thanks to the transformative journey I’d been through. Developing these skills became a huge obsession of mine and I learnt almost everything there was to know about becoming a pick-up artist (PUA). I quickly earned the reputation as a big player in the dating scene within the Melbourne Asian community. My ego was bigger than my reputation, which attracted the wrong types of girls, ones with low self-esteem and lots of emotional baggage.

After those crazy years, I finally understood how to build attraction with women and had the privilege to teach my friends. I found incredible fulfilment in seeing their successes using the concepts I’d taught them but my journey was far from over.

When I was 26, my close friend’s girlfriend left him for another guy after four years of being together. Being in a similar situation many times myself, I had an idea of how to flip the situation around and help my friend understand the deep-rooted reasons as to WHY she left him in the first place. This understanding would help him preserve and nourish a relationship with her if they ever got back together. After two months of coaching my friend, he received a message from his ex saying Answer my calls, we need to talk!

We soon found out that she’d dumped the new guy and gave the relationship with my friend another shot. Everything I had taught my friend about long term attraction, masculine traits, and how to get his ex-girlfriend back worked.

Fast forward to 2017, I’m at their wedding and they already have a beautiful child. After the ceremony, he and I are talking and I asked him, I’m really curious about something. You’re married to the girl of your dreams and you have a family together now which is a blessing. Many years ago when you were both apart and she didn’t want to have anything to do with you, do you feel if I never helped you we would be standing here today and that you’d have your first child with her?

Without hesitation, he smiled and said, No way man. No way!

I responded, That's special, man, and I’m overwhelmed by being here and seeing how everything played out. I believe that I had to go through some painful experiences of my own to be able to help those around me.

He looked me straight in the eyes and said, I think you finally found what it is that you’re meant to do.

And we clinked our beer bottles.

That was the birth of Core Confidence Coaching.

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